Hey y'all
I'm a little melancholy after hearing that Patrick Swayze has pancreatic cancer. I know that the news blurbs say he's doing well enough to finish his current projects but who really knows. My experience with this cancer is that it is essentially a vicious killer. I think the official survival rate is 2%.
And I had a lovely friend once.
We'd known each other for a long time as friends. We eventually got our timing right and began dating and had a lot of fun together. We both saw that it wasn't going to develop into a long term thing and we went back to being friends and not lovers. We kept in touch and he always had a kind word, a joke, a big beautiful smile and the warmest hugs for me.
I was sitting in my office one day and my assistant said "D----- is on the phone for you."
This wasn't completely out of the ordinary and I smiled at the thought of talking to him. It had been a while since we'd spoken.
I don't remember how he started the conversation. I do remember that he told me I should close my door.
He told me he had pancreatic cancer and that he wanted to say goodbye to me. I still remember all of the air going out of my lungs like I'd been kicked in the chest.
He was in the hospital and preparing to have a drastic surgery ---one where they would remove everything that's not considered "necessary" in a effort to save his life.
He tried to be upbeat--he did a damn fine job of it too. I got my shit together and held on so we had that one last funny sweet conversation.
We told each other "I love you" one last time.
I managed to keep from crying until we hung up and then I couldn't stop for a while.
He suffered horribly after the surgery and died not long after. He was 45 years old and left a wife and two very young daughters behind.
I think of him from time to time--normally a sweet memory---he taught me to make fettuccine carbonara and we shared a love of Van Morrison. We had a lot of great times together.
And occasionally, on days like today, I think first of his bravery and thoughtfulness.
His calling me to say goodbye stands out to me as a singularly noble and gracious act.
I'm a little melancholy after hearing that Patrick Swayze has pancreatic cancer. I know that the news blurbs say he's doing well enough to finish his current projects but who really knows. My experience with this cancer is that it is essentially a vicious killer. I think the official survival rate is 2%.
And I had a lovely friend once.
We'd known each other for a long time as friends. We eventually got our timing right and began dating and had a lot of fun together. We both saw that it wasn't going to develop into a long term thing and we went back to being friends and not lovers. We kept in touch and he always had a kind word, a joke, a big beautiful smile and the warmest hugs for me.
I was sitting in my office one day and my assistant said "D----- is on the phone for you."
This wasn't completely out of the ordinary and I smiled at the thought of talking to him. It had been a while since we'd spoken.
I don't remember how he started the conversation. I do remember that he told me I should close my door.
He told me he had pancreatic cancer and that he wanted to say goodbye to me. I still remember all of the air going out of my lungs like I'd been kicked in the chest.
He was in the hospital and preparing to have a drastic surgery ---one where they would remove everything that's not considered "necessary" in a effort to save his life.
He tried to be upbeat--he did a damn fine job of it too. I got my shit together and held on so we had that one last funny sweet conversation.
We told each other "I love you" one last time.
I managed to keep from crying until we hung up and then I couldn't stop for a while.
He suffered horribly after the surgery and died not long after. He was 45 years old and left a wife and two very young daughters behind.
I think of him from time to time--normally a sweet memory---he taught me to make fettuccine carbonara and we shared a love of Van Morrison. We had a lot of great times together.
And occasionally, on days like today, I think first of his bravery and thoughtfulness.
His calling me to say goodbye stands out to me as a singularly noble and gracious act.
It was how he lived his life.
Smooches and gropes babies.
32 comments:
That's a really sad story. It's good that you had the chance to say goodbye to him though - so many times that opportunity is denied to us.
Ian
Ian: I don't think I could have taken it had I opened up the paper and 'bam' there's the obituary. It was such an act of kindness on his part.
Turn - I hadn't heard this about Patrick Swayze. So sad.
This was such a touching post. What a selfless and courageous man your friend must have been.
May he rest in peace.
Mimi: Thank you sugar. He truly was. He is missed by many. I'm certain he is in a better place.
I understand fully. My beloved Aunt Rose died of pancreatic cancer and it tore through her so quickly. Three months after she died of it, her husband.. my uncle Dick.. died of the exact same thing. It awas so awful.
Hugs to you today, babe...
Kyra: I'm so sorry about your aunt and uncle. Thank you and {{{HUGS}}} back.
From what I learned of cancers, pancreatic is one of the more horrific.
I'm sorry for the loss of your friend.
Trav: Right after I thought of losing him and my sister Laura and the many many friends cancer has taken----I thought of you and my sister Lorraine and my Dad and my friend Martha and my dentist and my neighbors and I smiled knowing that you are all still making this world better to be in sugar.
It was so gracious of him to offer you that bit of closure. I never know what to say about posts like these. They hit me very hard, though, this one more than most.
I am so pleased you both got to touch each others lives. That's what it's all about baby gurlie~~ [[[ u ]]]]
Wow... though very sad, a beautiful story and beautiful memory
(((((HUGS)))) back atcha!
How wonderful that you got to say goodbye to him.
My mother died of pancreatic and liver cancer. Your story was a tough one for me to read, but I'm glad you found some solace.
Peace to you, my friend.
Oh, and the irony of this whole story? The news about Swayze hit the airwaves this week; my mom died on March 3, 1985.
Fabby: It was so gracious and you said it perfectly. Smooch
Cheesy: It really does matter to make the connection and pay attention to that most important thing. {{HUGS}}
Dutchy : Thank you sugar--I sat on this post for a couple of days deciding whether to put it up or not. I talked to a friend about it and was encouraged to tell the story. I felt so much better after I published it. Smooch
Songbird: Oh my god sugar. I'm so sorry about your mom. And thank you. {{HUGS}}
Wow, what a sad story. It was thoughtful of your friend to take the time to say goodbye.
The news of Patrick Swayze's battle with pancreatic cancer was quite a shock. It's strange that the news about Swayze came just a couple of days after the cancer-related death of singer Jeff Healey (who co-starred with Swayze in "Road House").
Malcolm: Hello and thank you. Yes i too noted that irony.
A sad loss, Turnbaby.
I wasn't sure whether the Swayze thing was true as reporting here was a bit mixed.
SMOOCH.. yes, cancer is an awful thing.
Being able to say goodbye is so very important.
How horrific. This is one of the most moving posts I have ever read. Thanks for sharing such a heartbreaking story...
Congrats on your Rising Blogger Award for this post. It is very well deserved. Moving, evocative post.
some people are amazingly generous...even as they are saying goodbye...
cancer. damn.
TC: Yes sugar it sure as hell is. Thank you. As far as I can tell it's mixed here too.
Anndi: Very important. I missed an opportunity to do that in my youth and it haunts me still.
Songbird: Thank you sugar.
katherine: He was in so many aspects of his life generous.
it's a bitch true.
Mimi certainly picked a winner here. Congratulation on being picked Rising Blogger of the Day. This is a wonderful post and I thank you for sharing.
Every once in a while I'm inspired by stories of courage in the face of overwhelming circumstances. This is truly one of those time. Thank you for sharing this very personal memory. It's a reminder how short life is and how fragile our relationships are.
Lee: Thank you so much--you know it's really hard for me to let these vibrant pieces of my life's fabric out there--as outgoing as I appear am very judicious about it. It was time for this one.
I'm sorry to hear about Swayze, and about your friend. My sister died of Colon cancer a couple of years back and any type of cancer has me scared now.
Honey I'm so far behind here, but I know what you went through. At least you got to say goodbye. When we lost my Aunt Gail three years ago, we got to say goodbye, but she was unconcious, and unable to hear us. Shortly after that, she succummed to the pancreatic cancer, and I can only hope that she went home to God knowing how much she was loved.
I know your friend did.
There are four of us gals out here in Cali who are thick as thieves. My roomie, Tabbie (her blogger name), our other roommate, The Spaz, and our dear friend, Leslie.
They found a tumor in Leslie 2 weeks ago the size of a cantelope - pancreatic cancer. We are all scared to death.
She is only 32.
Charles: The number of family and friends I've had stricken and taken by cancer is legion. I've seen a grandmother, grandfather, sister, friends die from it. Quite honestly I'd rather be hit by a bus. I'm not scared of it though--I can't live my life that way.
Angell: D gave me the most wonderful gift in his goodbye. It still brings up strong emotions in me because I've lost so many who didn't have the chance to do what he did.
Ginormous: Hug her, love her, be silly laugh, cry, enjoy the time ---don't worry about tomorrow or whether there will be one. Just be with her. {{{{HUGS}}}}
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